If God brought you to it,
He will get you through it.
Showing posts with label fears about future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fears about future. Show all posts

03 May 2011

Lost In Reverie

 you are
the silent witness
that tells
no lies
a mute confidante
that holds
all secrets 
behind the smile
no line or flaw
is hidden
you reveal things 
as they are
without fear
of reprisal
you bare both
beauty  and blemish
with cold neutrality
 the phantoms
crawling
in one's head
the angst and
trepidations
buried deep in
one's heart
all these chimeras
remain
clandestinely
subdued
unless the master
so exposes
and as the day dawns
when you
can no longer
hold your
silence
you shatter
into pieces
carrying with you
a thousand riddles
ensconced in
countless
glistening
shards


© Bing (PinkLady) 2011



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02 October 2010

When It Rains...

you are special to me
a friend more than a daughter
the best one could ever hope for
you are brighter than any star in the sky
every time you flash a smile
and when your burdens get too heavy
always remember that i am here for you
not just as your mom 
but as your best friend as well
© Bing (PinkLady) 2010

There's a monster in my family. It has surreptitiously crept into our genes and has now hit my teenage princess.

Last Tuesday, my daughter Jazzy and I went for a walk. Since she usually runs or jogs instead of walking with me, I got the chance to look at her from afar.

"Oh dear, I have to do something about her posture," I remember telling myself. And when I finally caught up with her, I told her how bad her posture was and how I hated it. She just smiled at me and promised to be more conscious about it next time. The same promise she gives me every time I tell her "don't slouch!" or "stand up straight!" or "watch your posture!"

We all know how teenagers hate to be criticized. So I tried to make it up to her and passed on my treasure chest- classic blouses and cool shorts I was hoping to fit into again when I go back to my old form (I have given up on that now). As she was excitedly trying them on, that was when I saw it... a deformed spine.

Why did I not see it before? Was I so blind? Or have I just lived in denial?  The bad posture... I understand now... I wanted to take back all the scolding I gave her. It was not her fault. In fact, I am blaming myself now for not paying attention.

Scoliosis is the medical term for curvature of the spine. Genetics are believed to play a role and my daughter's condition appears to be congenital. The fact that I myself (as well as my mom's sister and her daughter) suffer from mild scoliosis (non-progressive 20 degrees thoracic curve) should have put me on "red alert" with my daughters as it is more often diagnosed in female members of the family (which I learned only now).

Last Thursday, I brought her to two doctors- a rehab medicine specialist and an orthopedic surgeon who specializes in spine surgery.



 
X-ray of a person with thoracic dextroscoliosis and lumbar levoscoliosis


The diagnosis: not just single but DOUBLE curve- thoracic (upper spine) curve of 40 degrees and lumbar (lower spine) curve of 60 degrees. For someone her age, progression is 5 degrees per year.

The recommendation: immediate spinal surgery that could last for 10 hours or more. And we are talking here of my 14 year old princess.

Oh nooooooo, not my princess!



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25 August 2010

Future ~ Haiku


take a step forward
no room for fears or regrets
just keep on moving

don't ever look back
there's so much ahead of you
don't even slow down

who knows what awaits
a brave soul who moves forward
everything seems bright

you will never know
what the future holds for you
if fear takes the reins

  © Bing (PinkLady) 2010



This week's theme: Future

Sensational Haiku Wednesday is hosted by
Join the fun!
Next week’s theme: Secrets

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05 January 2010

Where Do I Go From Here?

"And now it's my turn
To try and find my way
And if I should get lost

At least I'll own today..."

- It's My Turn, Diana Ross

New year... New Beginnings... But do you know where you are headed to?

I guess the only way to determine where you are going is to fully understand and appreciate where you have been. All of us went through different struggles in the past- with relationships, career choices or even your own self worth. This is now the time to stop worrying and start evaluating those unresolved issues. This year, resolve to make sure that these problems will no longer be part of your future.

In fact, you don't even have to wait for new year or some crossroads to re-evaluate your life and ask yourself these questions...

Where have I been?
Have I reached any of my dreams? Have I made a difference in someone's life? Have I made excuses rather than fulfilling promises?

Where am I going?
Will I live my life to the fullest or find reasons why I didn't? Will I believe in myself and my talents or pretend that I never had what it takes?

What does the future hold for me?
The future for everyone is unknown, but what paths will I choose to lead me into my future and make a part of my life?

By answering them honestly, you can figure out what you have done, what you plan on doing and what you can change.

You have to face the truth and start dealing not only with the consequences but also with the reality of what exists once you give up some of your old ways. If it doesn't work at first, just keep trying. KEEP BELIEVING that YOU CAN CREATE what you want from life and YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN. Stay motivated in achieving positive changes. Little by little, you will see how different days will bring different joys... and the person you were meant to be, YOU WILL BE.



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03 July 2009

I Am Scared

"People deal too much with the negative,
with what is wrong.
Why not try and see positive things,
to just touch those things
and make them bloom?
"
-Thich Nhat Hanh-



It's not easy. Sometimes it also gets dark here. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I just can't get out of it.

I fear of...

The future... I can't seem to see myself 5 or 10 years from now. I don't know where I will be. And the feeling that plans don't happen according to my will is pervasive. It never left me. Why can't I just completely "let go and let God?"

The present... Everything about the present scares me. What if I fail my kids? What if I can no longer go on? What if I am still in denial of my life's present circumstances? What if reality is clouded by my own illusions?

I hate it when I am not in control. But all the things that are happening tell me that there is a greater power out there. Sometimes I just have to believe and trust that everything will end well... for the good of everyone. I should not let "what I cannot do" interfere with "what I can do."

Writing about this helps. In fact, I feel much better now that I have defined what bothers me. I know where these anxieties are coming from. The sun has not stopped shining though. I just have to embrace its warmth again.


a pocketful of sunshine to everyone!!!



Blessings to all,


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Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you decide to see beyond the imperfections.


"Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward to the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage and confidence." ~ Og Mandino


If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting, but I would have to decline, for life would no longer teach me anything.
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"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11-14
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