When It Rains...

you are special to me

a friend more than a daughter

the best one could ever hope for

you are brighter than any star in the sky

every time you flash a smile

and when your burdens get too heavy

always remember that i am here for you

not just as your mom 

but as your best friend as well

© Bing (PinkLady) 2010

There's a monster in my family. It has surreptitiously crept into our genes and has now hit my teenage princess.

Last Tuesday, my daughter Jazzy and I went for a walk. Since she usually runs or jogs instead of walking with me, I got the chance to look at her from afar.

"Oh dear, I have to do something about her posture," I remember telling myself. And when I finally caught up with her, I told her how bad her posture was and how I hated it. She just smiled at me and promised to be more conscious about it next time. The same promise she gives me every time I tell her "don't slouch!" or "stand up straight!" or "watch your posture!"

We all know how teenagers hate to be criticized. So I tried to make it up to her and passed on my treasure chest- classic blouses and cool shorts I was hoping to fit into again when I go back to my old form (I have given up on that now). As she was excitedly trying them on, that was when I saw it... a deformed spine.

Why did I not see it before? Was I so blind? Or have I just lived in denial?  The bad posture... I understand now... I wanted to take back all the scolding I gave her. It was not her fault. In fact, I am blaming myself now for not paying attention.

Scoliosis is the medical term for curvature of the spine. Genetics are believed to play a role and my daughter's condition appears to be congenital. The fact that I myself (as well as my mom's sister and her daughter) suffer from mild scoliosis (non-progressive 20 degrees thoracic curve) should have put me on "red alert" with my daughters as it is more often diagnosed in female members of the family (which I learned only now).

Last Thursday, I brought her to two doctors- a rehab medicine specialist and an orthopedic surgeon who specializes in spine surgery.



 X-ray of a person with thoracic dextroscoliosis and lumbar levoscoliosis

The diagnosis: not just single but DOUBLE curve- thoracic (upper spine) curve of 40 degrees and lumbar (lower spine) curve of 60 degrees. For someone her age, progression is 5 degrees per year.

The recommendation: immediate spinal surgery that could last for 10 hours or more. And we are talking here of my 14 year old princess.

Oh nooooooo, not my princess!

Image from Photobucket

I Am Scared

"People deal too much with the negative,

with what is wrong.
Why not try and see positive things,
to just touch those things
and make them bloom?"
-Thich Nhat Hanh-

It's not easy. Sometimes it also gets dark here. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I just can't get out of it.

I fear of...

The future... I can't seem to see myself 5 or 10 years from now. I don't know where I will be. And the feeling that plans don't happen according to my will is pervasive. It never left me. Why can't I just completely "let go and let God?"

The present... Everything about the present scares me. What if I fail my kids? What if I can no longer go on? What if I am still in denial of my life's present circumstances? What if reality is clouded by my own illusions?

I hate it when I am not in control. But all the things that are happening tell me that there is a greater power out there. Sometimes I just have to believe and trust that everything will end well... for the good of everyone. I should not let "what I cannot do" interfere with "what I can do."

Writing about this helps. In fact, I feel much better now that I have defined what bothers me. I know where these anxieties are coming from. The sun has not stopped shining though. I just have to embrace its warmth again.

a pocketful of sunshine to everyone!!!

Blessings to all,

The Birds And The Bees In The News

News of a sex scandal has rocked this country for over a week now. The scandal arose from the sex videos that were taken by a popular cosmetic surgeon/actor during his sexual trysts with unsuspecting women/girlfriends, some of whom are well known celebrities like him. He admits to owning at least 40 of such videos but claims innocence in distributing and spreading them in the internet and the DVD circuit.

So when you see this kind of controversy every night on primetime tv news, how do you explain it to your pre-teen and teenage kids? Do you tell them to stop watching the news? Or do you awkwardly attempt to explain how the birds and the bees found their way in videos and the news?

We can’t be with our kids all the time. Eventually they will have to face the world on their own. It’s not easy to let go but if we have armed them with the right ammunition to fight their future battles, we can sit back later and trust their judgment.

This scandal gave me the best opportunity to discuss with my girls about the most dreaded topic for parents, that is, sex.

In a country like ours that is ruled by old beliefs and traditional values, sex before marriage is totally unacceptable. NOT that it’s not happening here. We just don’t talk about it. Having come from a more open-minded generation, I am quite aware of what reality is.

I gave a long lecture on finishing their studies first to broaden their options. Along the way, they would be able to define the kind of man that they would want to spend the rest of their lives with. The higher they go, the higher their standards would be. But they will lose this chance if they trust the wrong person early on. By “trusting”, I meant having a boyfriend. Lol! Now isn’t that a subtle way of brainwashing?

As I always tell them, they can do something really stupid only once and that can ruin their lives forever. That includes putting their trust on the wrong person. In this world of technology, a simple kiss taken on video could mean the end of one’s future, career, relationship or marriage.

That also includes the wrong choice of friends. Friends can either make or break them. Friends can also lead them to drugs. See, isn’t that a convenient segue? That’s hitting two birds- sex and drugs- with one stone.

It’s still a long road ahead of me. After becoming a single parent, I have learned to discuss the most sensitive topics with my kids like I’m talking about the latest craze in town. I am left with no choice. If I talk in riddles, how would it get the message across? I do hope that this opportunity has not been wasted. But it will take years for me to know how they will fight their personal battles. I just hope that when that time comes, they are already fully armed with the life lessons I have instilled in them.

Blessings to all,

Am I Being Selfish?

They call it "hazards of the trade." I guess with the kind of work that I do, there is no way I can please everyone. I have to take sides. I have to protect one and risk infuriating the other. I'm the type who goes for a win-win arrangement. Unfortunately, when greed enters the picture, that's when trouble sets in.

First time something like this happened, my Dad uncovered the death threat and James never left my side after learning about it. I went on to win that case.

About five or six weeks ago, I got a similar threat on my phone. It did not really sink in right away. "You dare to scare me??? That is so funny because nobody and nothing can ever scare me now!" I just laughed it off.

Then one day... Wham! I was taking pleasure from watching my kids' big smiles on their faces when, suddenly, I realized I am all that they have now.

One good friend, who dared to call me selfish after I ignored the threat, is right. I am being selfish. I live only for today. I am fatalistic. I no longer worry about tomorrow. What is the use of planning when nothing seems to happen according to my plans anyway.

But my kids' future depends on me. They have no choice-- I am all they have. I have no right to take unnecessary risks. I owe it to my kids to see them through until they can get on their feet and stand on their own. I am not in any way going to disappoint them. After all, there is a good reason why I am left to raise them on my own. They mean the world to me. I am not going to allow anyone to hurt them again.

Such is life. Nobody said it would be easy.


Blessings to all,