Tomorrow Is Never Promised

 

Time slips through our hands like the stars fade into the dawn. Embrace each moment, for tomorrow is never promised.

A pocketful of sunshine and 

Lost In Reverie

 you are
the silent witness
that tells
no lies

a mute confidante
that holds
all secrets 

behind the smile

no line or flaw
is hidden

you reveal things 

as they are

without fear
of reprisal

you bare both
beauty  and blemish

with cold neutrality

 the phantoms
crawling
in one's head
the angst and
trepidations
buried deep in
one's heart
all these chimeras
remain
clandestinely
subdued

unless the master
so exposes

and as the day dawns
when you
can no longer
hold your
silence
you shatter
into pieces
carrying with you
a thousand riddles
ensconced in
countless
glistening
shards

© Bing (PinkLady) 2011

Posted for The Thursday Think Tank #46, The Poetry Pantry #47,

Poetry Potluck: "Doubts, Fears, Inhibitions and Hesitations"

and Thursday Poets Rally 43

Image credit: Link

When It Rains...

you are special to me

a friend more than a daughter

the best one could ever hope for

you are brighter than any star in the sky

every time you flash a smile

and when your burdens get too heavy

always remember that i am here for you

not just as your mom 

but as your best friend as well

© Bing (PinkLady) 2010

There's a monster in my family. It has surreptitiously crept into our genes and has now hit my teenage princess.

Last Tuesday, my daughter Jazzy and I went for a walk. Since she usually runs or jogs instead of walking with me, I got the chance to look at her from afar.

"Oh dear, I have to do something about her posture," I remember telling myself. And when I finally caught up with her, I told her how bad her posture was and how I hated it. She just smiled at me and promised to be more conscious about it next time. The same promise she gives me every time I tell her "don't slouch!" or "stand up straight!" or "watch your posture!"

We all know how teenagers hate to be criticized. So I tried to make it up to her and passed on my treasure chest- classic blouses and cool shorts I was hoping to fit into again when I go back to my old form (I have given up on that now). As she was excitedly trying them on, that was when I saw it... a deformed spine.

Why did I not see it before? Was I so blind? Or have I just lived in denial?  The bad posture... I understand now... I wanted to take back all the scolding I gave her. It was not her fault. In fact, I am blaming myself now for not paying attention.

Scoliosis is the medical term for curvature of the spine. Genetics are believed to play a role and my daughter's condition appears to be congenital. The fact that I myself (as well as my mom's sister and her daughter) suffer from mild scoliosis (non-progressive 20 degrees thoracic curve) should have put me on "red alert" with my daughters as it is more often diagnosed in female members of the family (which I learned only now).

Last Thursday, I brought her to two doctors- a rehab medicine specialist and an orthopedic surgeon who specializes in spine surgery.



 X-ray of a person with thoracic dextroscoliosis and lumbar levoscoliosis

The diagnosis: not just single but DOUBLE curve- thoracic (upper spine) curve of 40 degrees and lumbar (lower spine) curve of 60 degrees. For someone her age, progression is 5 degrees per year.

The recommendation: immediate spinal surgery that could last for 10 hours or more. And we are talking here of my 14 year old princess.

Oh nooooooo, not my princess!

Image from Photobucket

Where Do I Go From Here?

"And now it's my turn
To try and find my way
And if I should get lost
At least I'll own today..."
- It's My Turn, Diana Ross

New year... New Beginnings... But do you know where you are headed to?

I guess the only way to determine where you are going is to fully understand and appreciate where you have been. All of us went through different struggles in the past- with relationships, career choices or even your own self worth. This is now the time to stop worrying and start evaluating those unresolved issues. This year, resolve to make sure that these problems will no longer be part of your future.

In fact, you don't even have to wait for new year or some crossroads to re-evaluate your life and ask yourself these questions...

Where have I been?
Have I reached any of my dreams? Have I made a difference in someone's life? Have I made excuses rather than fulfilling promises?

Where am I going?
Will I live my life to the fullest or find reasons why I didn't? Will I believe in myself and my talents or pretend that I never had what it takes?

What does the future hold for me?
The future for everyone is unknown, but what paths will I choose to lead me into my future and make a part of my life?

By answering them honestly, you can figure out what you have done, what you plan on doing and what you can change.

You have to face the truth and start dealing not only with the consequences but also with the reality of what exists once you give up some of your old ways. If it doesn't work at first, just keep trying. KEEP BELIEVING that YOU CAN CREATE what you want from life and YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN. Stay motivated in achieving positive changes. Little by little, you will see how different days will bring different joys... and the person you were meant to be, YOU WILL BE.

I Am Scared

"People deal too much with the negative,

with what is wrong.
Why not try and see positive things,
to just touch those things
and make them bloom?"
-Thich Nhat Hanh-

It's not easy. Sometimes it also gets dark here. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I just can't get out of it.

I fear of...

The future... I can't seem to see myself 5 or 10 years from now. I don't know where I will be. And the feeling that plans don't happen according to my will is pervasive. It never left me. Why can't I just completely "let go and let God?"

The present... Everything about the present scares me. What if I fail my kids? What if I can no longer go on? What if I am still in denial of my life's present circumstances? What if reality is clouded by my own illusions?

I hate it when I am not in control. But all the things that are happening tell me that there is a greater power out there. Sometimes I just have to believe and trust that everything will end well... for the good of everyone. I should not let "what I cannot do" interfere with "what I can do."

Writing about this helps. In fact, I feel much better now that I have defined what bothers me. I know where these anxieties are coming from. The sun has not stopped shining though. I just have to embrace its warmth again.

a pocketful of sunshine to everyone!!!

Blessings to all,