Heaven's Gate

the words stopped flowing
 tears flooded my face
i was speechless
my heart was heavy
pain tore it apart...

the dreaded news came
you passed away and joined our Creator
was it just a day after
i debated with myself
if i'd go see you on your deathbed...

i was crying as i rushed to see you
only to miss that turn when i was near
as cowardice gripped me
i told myself, "tomorrow"
for i needed to collect my thoughts...

but tomorrow proved too far
for someone who was in great pain
you didn't even live to see the next sunlight
that broke through
your window pane that morning...

when i finally found the courage to see you
you were in a deep solemn slumber
wiping away all traces of pain
that devoured your body and spirit
looking beautiful as ever...

hard as it is to say goodbye
we know it is only for now
and take comfort in knowing
that you are at heaven's gate
waving at us with a big smile...

 © Bing (PinkLady) 2010

I wrote about my friend Mayen a few months ago- Sunshine In Her Ravaged Soul. She succumbed to cancer of the colon at 5:50 o'clock in the morning on August 10, 2010. She was 44.

Her death was a big blow not only to me but to everyone whose lives and hearts she had touched. I must admit that this sent me into hibernation and made me reassess my own mortality. There might even be no tomorrow to speak of...            

May the road rise up to meet you, 

may the wind be ever at your back.  

May the sun shine warm upon your face 

and the rain fall softly on your fields.  

And until we meet again, 

may God hold you in the hollow of his hand.  

~Irish Blessing~

 ATTY. MARIE LORRAINE "MAYEN" GUYO-BALBASTRO

July 16, 1966-August 10, 2010


Rest in peace, my friend...

The Perfect Poet Award For Week 25

 

 A big thanks to Jingle (and all the poets who believed in me) for the Perfect Poet Award for Week 25. For her enlightening and inspiring wisdom on "letting go," I am voting for Amanda for the Perfect Poet Award for Week 26.

Come and join Thursday Poets' Rally
Week 26 ~ August 12-18

hosted by Jingle

I Am Letting Go Of Worries

"There is nothing that wastes the body like worry,

and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed
to worry about anything whatsoever."
-Mahatma Gandhi-

I have wasted too many hours of too many days worrying about bills and bank account balances, time and deadlines, teenage kids, sleep, stress, work... about the future and life itself. But then I realized that worrying about whatever difficulty I faced never got me anywhere.

And so, I decided to unwind the nerves in my mind, took a deep breath and let it all go. I quietly reminded myself that everything will be okay. I also resolved that--

If I catch myself worrying again about something that doesn't matter, I will just STOP worrying about it.

If I catch myself worrying about something that DOES matter, I will stop worrying about it -- and START TRYING to fix it.

After all, I deserve a life where, even if some people are insensitive and unkind, I am not going to mind because the blessings in my life far, far outweigh the burdens.

I will never again let a single thing rain on my parade.

Think of what we have and NOT of what we don't have...

Have a Great Christmas!

The Butterfly Story ~ A Lesson In Life... A Christmas Message

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it had and it could go no further.

Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. And we could never fly.

This story has been retold so many times. But since it is Christmas season already, it pays to remind everyone that the only way to live a truly meaningful and satisfying life is by learning how to count your blessings despite the hardships, adversities and struggles that you are going through. Remember, no one is spared from them.

"I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet."

It is all a matter of attitude (the right one at that).

"If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul."

By looking at your challenges as blessings in disguise, you get to act positively and more objectively. However, if you continue to dwell on the hard knocks, wallow in self-pity and get on the blame game, not only would you NOT be able to get your act together but you will also end up with long-term deleterious effects on your mind and body.

So when the going gets rough, remember (and never forget!) that you are made of tougher stuff that can keep you going.

Think of what we have and NOT of what we don't have...

Have a Great Christmas!

Of Living and Loving... and Moving On

"If you're not afraid

Of what love brings
Then endings are beginnings
Of beautiful things...
Its a chance you'll take
A chance you'll win
If someone's gonna find you
First you gotta let them in
Coz love begins with one hello
The hardest part is over
Now its easy letting go "
[One Hello, Randy Crawford]

Sometimes you wonder why all these things are happening to you. In desperation, you ask high heavens why you are being punished. Tragedy after tragedy. Pain after pain. Isn't there a better way of living your life? There are times when you ask yourself why you keep on committing the same mistakes. Haven't you learned your lesson?

But then you sit back and think... Each experience has made you a better person. Each pain has made you more resilient. Have you wondered why?

Yes, this blog was all about pain. It was meant to release all pent up emotions I had for the untimely loss of a husband who meant the world to me. This was supposed to convey the hatred that built up within all corners of my heart. This was supposed to be a memorial for him.

In the end, it became the journal of my life's journey without him... the pain, the struggle, the coping. And then my resurgence.

Just when I thought the sun refused to shine, light suddenly appeared.

I am not a hypocrite. I must admit that amidst the tragedy and pain, I still hoped for a better outcome. Surely I was not molded into the kind of person I am now for nothing. I have learned to count my blessings.

I guess things really happen for a reason. You just have to open up yourself and accept everything that is happening in your life without judgment. I have had missteps and slips, I must admit. But I kept my faith and remained hopeful that things would get better. They always do, right? Of course, we don't stay in a rut for long. Nobody does. You just have to keep on believing. And that's what I did. I'm so glad I did!

Sunshine, sweet sunshine! Thank you for bringing back laughter, light and a big smile into my life.


[Bro thank you for this video suggestion]




Blessings to all,

Music Monday - Together In Electric Dreams (Phil Oakley/Giorgio Moroder)

Off to my holiday. Love comes first. :D
See you at the end of the month.

More upbeat 80's tunes.
Let's keep on dancing!
I love you guys!

Lyrics | Oakey Philip And Moroder Giorgio lyrics - Together In Electric Dreams lyrics

Try to miss me, okay?

Blessings to all,

Of Dying and Living

For what is it to die

but to stand naked in the wind

and to melt into the sun?



And what is it to cease breathing

but to free the breath

from its restless tides,

that it may rise

and expand and seek God

unencumbered?



Only when you drink

from the river of silence

shall you indeed sing.



And when you have reached

the mountain top,

then you shall begin

to climb.



And when the earth

shall claim your limbs
,
then shall you

truly dance.


From The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

Wishing you all a time of PEACE, REFLECTION
and HAPPINESS this Lenten Season!

Blessings to all,

A Season's End

"There are times where you or that person has changed

to the extent that it's necessary to let go of the friendship,
so that each of you can fulfill your life path."

People in our lives come and go. There are good reasons why some friends, with whom we shared a substantial part of our being, are no longer in our lives now. We must learn to accept that much of living is all about moving on.

When you have formed an attachment to people, it is quite painful to realize that it is time to let go. This poem, which I first came across in an email, explains why there are those who get to stay in our lives and why some people don't.

Reason, Season or a Lifetime

When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person...

When someone is in your life for a REASON. . .
It is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are!
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part,
or at an inconvenient time, this person will say
or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered.
And now it is time to move on.

Then people come into your life for a SEASON....
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons:
things you must build upon in order to have
a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but
friendship is clairvoyant.

How much of this poem, can you relate to?

On my part, a season has just ended. I am letting go and moving on. Thank you for everything.






Blessings to all,

The Road to Recovery

"In the end, we stop asking why something has happened... but start asking how we will respond. What we intend to do now that it has happened."
- When Bad Things Happen To Good People by Harold Kushner -

For 11 years, I expected that I would be growing old with James. I was contented with the thought of a shared life together and a shared future. All of that suddenly changed one morning. Everything had been spoiled.

Whether I liked it or not, a core of my old identity was lost. Fortunately, I was left with something else: a chance to grow. My favorite line then every time someone asked how I was coping was: "Don't worry, I'm sure I will survive." Along the way, I learned that growing and thriving are more than just surviving.

In a sense, each loss is a pregnant pause in the process of personal growth. Just as time provides a resource, loss also presents a window of opportunity. Believe me, it was not easy for me to clear off that window and peer through the haze. What proved to be the ultimate challenge was to pass courageously through the familiar framework and into the unknown. But I knew I had to do it because it was the only way I could discover a path to recovery... a passage forward into life.

After overcoming denial, anger and active grieving, I jumped right into action and accepted all invitations and nominations for positions in various civic groups and foundations that I was a member of. I was president of this, vice president of that and a director of whatever. I led a committee for a convention which proved to be the most arduous and controversial task. The busier I got, the better. People talked, I didn't care.

Change was the challenge ahead. I restored my vitality with the thrill of doing things alone for the first time. A new intact identity gradually emerged- someone who was stronger, wiser and perhaps even nicer than the one I reluctantly left behind.

Moreover, I began to sleep better, think clearer, cry less and smile more. I gained greater control of my emotions and was not easily overwhelmed by them anymore. I became less obsessed with my loss and could talk about it more easily (as I am doing now). I felt freer to choose when and how to grieve and to bounce back. I became less preoccupied with myself and more patient with everyone, including myself.

The waves of pain no longer come as often as before and they don't knock me over easily anymore. I think less of the past and find myself reaching forward to the future less fearfully.

And as I drink in the cup of healing, let me take this opportunity to give a toast of thanks to those who helped me along the way.



Blessings to all,

Moving Thoughtfully Through Time

"We live by losing and leaving and letting go. And sooner or later, with more or less pain, we all must come to know that loss is indeed a lifelong human condition."
- Judith Viorst -

We are all familiar with loss- for loss is fundamental to life. Built into nature, it confronts us everyday. Blossoms fade. One season claims another even as the tide erodes the shore. Loss is part of that ebb and flow, part of the natural cycle of growth and decay.

I can't count the nights when I have been roused from a fitful sleep, my restless mind racing. "Why me? Why him? Why now? Why did I deserve this?" Losing James brought me face-to-face with my greatest fear.

It took quite sometime for me to accept the fact that every loss is a challenge to grow... yet growth requires change which is often painful.

Deciding to heal doesn't mean giving up on my dreams or the memories. It does mean deciding NOT to give up on myself and on my future (as well as that of my kids').

The first step may have been difficult. The destination may have been unclear. But that first step carried me forward on my journey of renewal.

Seasons can't be rushed. Neither can the process of healing one's heart. I found my way at my own pace.

Much love,