“We can never turn back the pages of time, though we may wish to relive a happy moment, or say goodbye just one last time, we never can, because the sands of time continue to fall, and we can’t turn the hourglass over.”
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”
~Herman Hesse
You Are Stronger Than You Think
"You are stronger than you think, remember to stand tall.
Every challenge in your life helps you to grow.
Every problem you encounter strengthens your mind and your soul.
Every trouble you overcome increases your understanding of life.
When all your troubles weigh heavily on your shoulders, remember that beneath the burden you can stand tall, because you are never given more than you can handle... and you are stronger than you think."
James would have turned 44 today. My kids lit a candle and offered their prayers for him early this morning. It's good to know that after 4 years, they still remember his birthday. It's also good to know that I sense no pain in them anymore. Maybe they still miss him but this tragedy has not derailed their lives. As I said before, there are no longer "what if's" and "what-would-have-been". My children are moving towards the future and have not looked back for a long time. We talk of "tomorrow" now and it warms my heart to know that they are looking forward to all the challenges and changes ahead of us.
Also on this day 8 years ago, thousands of people lost their lives in several acts of senseless violence in the US. These people left behind thousands of grieving families and friends who, to this day, couldn't make sense of what really happened that day.
Let us all join in prayer as we remember James on his birthday and all the victims of terrorism around the world, particularly those who lost their lives on September 11, 2001. May they all rest in peace!
It's been a year daddy, I really really miss you. Mommy says you're safe now, in a beautiful place called heaven.
We had your favorite dinner tonight I ate it all up... ... Even though I don't like carrots
I learned how to swim this summer I can even open my eyes when I'm under water
Can't you see me?
I started Kindergarten this year I carry around a picture of us in my Blue's Clues Lunch Box
You are the greatest Daddy I can swing on the swing by myself ... Even though I miss you pushing me
Can't you see me?
I miss how you used to tickle me Tickle my belly My belly hurts
I try not to cry Mommy says it's okay I know you don't like it when I cry
Never wanted me to be sad I try daddy but it hurts
Is it true you're not coming home Maybe some day I can visit you in Heaven okay?
It's time for me to go to bed now I sleep with the light on. Just in case you come home, and kiss me good-night.
"I have been here since the beginning, and I shall be until the end of days; for there is no ending to my existence. The human soul is but a part of a burning torch which God separated from Himself at Creation." ~Kahlil Gibran~
"I see dead people..."
This was a line made famous by the character of Haley Joel Osment (Cole Sear) in the movie "The Sixth Sense."
"I see dead people..."
This was also a line I first heard from B when she tried to explain to me her strange behavior as a child. But it didn't stop when she grew up. She said that through the years, she finally realized what this meant-- a "gift" bestowed upon a reluctant recipient. It is a gift that continues to scare the hell out of her to this day. In the past, we would see her break down for no apparent reason at all. She refused to tell us because we wouldn't believe her anyway.
They try to communicate with her. They try to get her attention. But she maintains one rule: she will never attempt to talk to any of them. I asked her why. She said that these beings couldn't keep a secret... once they sense who could see them, they tell the others right away. Hmmmm... I didn't know that gossip goes beyond the realm of the living. This is really
So how was she able to abide by her own rule, I asked. She said she never looked at them. You know, she could see but she wouldn't stare. Although trembling in fear, she would normally ignore the presence.
"Have you seen James?" This was a question I asked her after James went missing.
"No."
"Can you do me a favor?"
"No."
"But this is James, not just any lost soul out there."
"No... I will not break my rule... not even for James. Besides, I have not really seen him so there could be a possibility that he is still alive. Please don't get me wrong. I do love him like a brother." That was me beaten. End of discussion.
A few months after that dialogue, I got a call from B one morning. She was crying.
"Bing, Jimmy is gone."
I was dumbfounded. I was speechless. Somehow I knew what she was about to tell me.
"He came to me last night as I was sleeping. Our room was dark but there was suddenly a bright light. I thought my husband woke up and turned on the light. I sat up and there he was at the foot of our bed... just smiling at me. That scared me to death so I hid under the sheets. I was trembling and crying as I begged him to leave. I promised him I will tell you. Then he was gone."
He did not say a word. He just smiled at her.
By the time she finished telling me what happened, we were both crying and sobbing on the phone.
All I could muster to say then was "thank you, B."
She went on to assure me that this was the first time she saw a bright light accompanying a "spirit." Whatever that meant, I guess it was supposed to make me feel better.
TO WHERE YOU ARE By: Josh Groban
Who can say for certain Maybe you're still here I feel you all around me Your memory's so clear
Deep in the stillness I can hear you speak You're still an inspiration Can it be (?) That you are mine Forever love And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight To see you smile If only for awhile to know you're there A breath away's not far To where you are
Are you gently sleeping Here inside my dream And isn't faith believing All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you Just one beat away I cherish all you gave me everyday 'Cause you are my Forever love Watching me from up above
And I believe That angels breathe And that love will live on and never leave
Fly me up To where you are Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight To see you smile If only for awhile To know you're there A breath away's not far To where you are
I know you're there A breath away's not far To where you are
"Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength." ~Sigmund Freud~
A black butterfly flutters around me as I write this post. I feel a presence... a haunting presence. But it does not hurt anymore. I can only look back with a smile. It was a life well lived, albeit shortly shared. It deserves a celebration, not an extended lamentation.
The sound of my children's laughter echoes in my ears. They are back from island hopping with their cousins. I hope they will never forget the man whose shortly lived existence showed them what unconditional love really meant... the man whose unabashed display of childish banters made them giggle to tears.
As we take this weekend break with family (James' brothers and their own families), there is no more "what if Dad was here with us?" We no longer feel guilty enjoying life's and nature's bountiful blessings without him.
But as my youngest daughter sees the butterfly, she matter-of-factly states what she thought is obvious: "Dad is here with us." Her face brightens up with the sweetest smile I have ever seen... then she leaves me again to join her siblings and cousins.
Now whenever they look at his photo, they see the smile that used to define his face. In their hearts, the word "Dad" has taken a new form ~~ an angel watching over them every step of the way.
My children have finally moved on.
Weekend in Paradise...
the Parola Wharf/Bar where guests are welcomed upon arrival and the resort's infinity pool
The Mandaya Houses are laid out on their own beach front, setting it on a different pace from the rest of the main island.
On January 25, 2005, I lost my husband. Welcome to my random thoughts about losing James and finding myself again. For in this journey called Life, "there is no such thing as a negative experience... only opportunities to grow."
Friday Writings #186: Survive Out of Spite
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Hello, Word Artists and Admirers! One of the more awesome things in this
world is a friend who gets you. Several months ago, I was in a bit of a
funk...
I Am a Human
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I am a human
raised by a robot
cut loose in the garden
carried on the water
carried on the water
cared for by the winter
and my mind--that's ice
nice nice ...
Open Link Night #387
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Good evening, everyone! Sanaa here (aka adashofsunny) delighted to host
Open Link Night, which serves as an opportunity for us …
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BEING HUMAN
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Hello, friends. I came across a beautiful video recently, Julia Butterfly
Hill reciting an amazing poem *"Human", *which describes us in all of our
contr...
Wordless Wednesday
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WW is a simple blog post featuring a photo which conveys a message that
speaks for itself without using words. For all the rule breakers, of which
I am one...
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you decide to see beyond the imperfections.
"Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward to the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage and confidence." ~ Og Mandino
If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting, but I would have to decline, for life would no longer teach me anything.
"For I know the
plans I have for
you," declares
the Lord, "plans
to prosper you
and not to harm
you, plans to give
you hope and a
future."
Jeremiah 29:11-14
,
![[mysterious15.3.red.jpg]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikHOydL_W8a2aLMMvQXHWAm1qIow2A_sCP9g1Y87KW1-ISKozP5RYw57II2-bULcivAnE4EC1QG0kMma-wjxZfqIbN8gVCP-cpwprynHfEarc8ibEr7ZFbiR63fUx1zY2Ll5FTjqBs0Y4F/s1600/mysterious15.3.red.jpg)
watching over them every step of the way.
