In The Deep Recesses Of My Heart... Five Years Later

Though I have been tossed and turned in life's storms
I will surely see a brighter dawn
I'm no longer held back by my fears
I'm finally... Moving On
~Moving On by Alan Murray~

Much as I have moved on, I can't help but look back at where I have been.

That was a life of abundance... yet I wasn't happy. Lots of people surrounded me... yet there was not one I could truly identify as a real friend. I had everything yet I was empty.

And then tragedy struck. The abundance turned to scarcity. The people who offered sympathies and their shoulders to cry on even when I thought I didn't need them suddenly made me realize what real friendship meant. I lost everything yet I found all the reasons to be grateful. It started with the little gestures of kindness shown to us.

Funny but the people you expected the most to be there for you because you thought they shared the same grief were the same people who waited for you to give up, stumble and make a fool of yourself.

Funny that they cared more about their social standing and what other people would say rather than on how badly we were hurting. Funny that after FIVE long years, these are the same people who say it's still too soon for me to move on. Funny that, on my journey to NOW, they never even had the temerity back then to call and ask how the kids and I were coping. Funny that they were ready to believe the worst of us back then and until now. Funny how they sneak into my (as well as my kids') private albums just to find evidence on how crazy and frivolous I have led (and continue to lead) my life. Funny that they can't hide their disappointment as my kids and I soar high on our own.

And the people you didn't expect to be there for you were the ones who were ready to offer their lives to prove the others wrong. These were the same people who offered me strength when I had none left and was so weak to fight back. These were the people who didn't back off from shouting to the whole world that I am their friend. These are the people who do not hesitate to say or leave messages of "I am so happy for you" after seeing me finally smile from the heart again.

On Monday (January 25, 2010), it will be five years since we lost James. Five long years. And I have come a long way. As the header of my blog says, I have found myself again and built a new life.

The journey continues. Not just mine but my kids' as well. It has been a bumpy road for all of us but it made us realize how wonderful life is. These kids have learned to accept that everything happens for a reason. Each person that comes to our lives has a lesson to teach us. We greet each day with eyes and minds wide open so as not to miss anything. We have embraced life itself.

So on Monday, we are going to remember James' passing with a mass and a simple dinner. We will offer prayers, perhaps reminisce and share some memories about the past. But we know that we're no longer going back to that dark period in our lives. We will keep the sun shining on us.

A Blogging Award As New Year's Gift

My good friend Thom of Thom's Place 4 Well Whatever gave me this award which I consider as his New Year's gift to me.

Thom has one of the nicest blogs in the bloggosphere and ever since I stumbled upon his site, I got hooked. His humor coupled with the funny images in all those memes always made my day. In fact, he was the one who inspired me to show more of my goofy side at Sheepish Thoughts. Please check out also his fantastic photos in his blog.

And so, with gratitude in my heart, I'd like to give this award to the following bloggers who continue to inspire and entertain a lot of people like Thom:

Sandee


Mike

Kat



Janet


Wenny of
Inside My Bubble Today

Where Do I Go From Here?

"And now it's my turn
To try and find my way
And if I should get lost
At least I'll own today..."
- It's My Turn, Diana Ross

New year... New Beginnings... But do you know where you are headed to?

I guess the only way to determine where you are going is to fully understand and appreciate where you have been. All of us went through different struggles in the past- with relationships, career choices or even your own self worth. This is now the time to stop worrying and start evaluating those unresolved issues. This year, resolve to make sure that these problems will no longer be part of your future.

In fact, you don't even have to wait for new year or some crossroads to re-evaluate your life and ask yourself these questions...

Where have I been?
Have I reached any of my dreams? Have I made a difference in someone's life? Have I made excuses rather than fulfilling promises?

Where am I going?
Will I live my life to the fullest or find reasons why I didn't? Will I believe in myself and my talents or pretend that I never had what it takes?

What does the future hold for me?
The future for everyone is unknown, but what paths will I choose to lead me into my future and make a part of my life?

By answering them honestly, you can figure out what you have done, what you plan on doing and what you can change.

You have to face the truth and start dealing not only with the consequences but also with the reality of what exists once you give up some of your old ways. If it doesn't work at first, just keep trying. KEEP BELIEVING that YOU CAN CREATE what you want from life and YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN. Stay motivated in achieving positive changes. Little by little, you will see how different days will bring different joys... and the person you were meant to be, YOU WILL BE.

Happy New Year!

New journeys await you. Decisions lie ahead, wondering...
what you will do... where you will go...
how you will choose when the choices are yours.

Remember that good decisions come back to bless you, over and over again.
Work for the ability to choose wisely, to prosper, to succeed.
Listen with your heart as well as your head, to the glimmers of truth that provide advice and inspiration.
And let those truths take you to beautiful places.

Touch the sky, and in your reach,
Believe, Achieve and Aspire.


I hope your tomorrows take you to the summit of your goals,
and your joys take you even higher.

The Champ's "Little" Secret

"Just trust me,

I will not leave you,
I will not abandon you."

A news article in the front page of the Philippine Daily Inquirer caught my eye today. It surely made me smile and warmed my heart.

Everyone knows who Manny "Pacman" Pacquiao is. He is the WORLD's pound-for-pound boxing king and has been recently named as "Boxer of the Decade" by Reuters News Agency (easily easing out Floyd Mayweather Jr.'s name from the title).

For the first time, he revealed the secret of his success -- he had a conversation with God who promised him "strength and power." He said that God once told him: "Just trust me, I will not leave you, I will not abandon you."

That promise was made to him long before he became a world champion. Yet he trusted, he believed, he held on to his faith.

A world champion attesting to God's goodness is something that is not common. Normally, a man of his stature would force on our throats his own greatness and the power that he wields. But this man of humble beginnings continue to acknowledge where all his blessings come from. Since the first time I saw him fight until the last title he won, he always offered to God his own little corner on the ring where he knelt before and after each bout to pray and thank Him.

People laughed at him when he was just starting, finding his behavior odd or too fanatical. Now people see it as a symbol of his unwavering faith- a reminder to everyone that God should be first in everything.

This is one man who has never forgotten where his success came from.... a man who continues to count his abundant blessings and not allowing them to get in his head... a man who acknowledges a greater power over and above his... a man whose unwavering faith should be emulated...

It all starts with gratitude... a grateful heart that counts every little positive thing that comes our way instead of dwelling on our frustrations.

Think of what we have and NOT of what we don't have...

Have a Great Christmas!