A Powerful Prayer That Was Meant To Be Shared

"My soul is overwhelmed with
sorrow to the point of death."

It all begins with a question. It all begins with an unquenchable thirst, an insatiable hunger. You begin to feel that there is something more than what meets the eye. You want to know. You want to find out.

You start asking: "What is the meaning of my life?" "What am I here for?" "Why am I doing this?"

My own journey began when I was fresh out of college. At a time when I had everything, I was so discontented. My heart yearned for more and yet, I had no idea at all what I was looking for.

Let me explain something here. I was never really religious although I made every effort to be a good Christian. I can't even recite an entire verse from the Bible until now like some people do. Although I was raised a Catholic and spent 10 years of my life in an exclusive Catholic school ran by nuns, I associated Bible reading with grueling graded recitations, quizzes and exams on Religion and Christian Living.

When I began having a recurring nightmare- where I would feel I was floating on air and saw my sleeping body right below me which always freaked me out, of course- my Mom placed a Bible and a rosary on my bedside.

There I was, in my early 20's and feeling so lost, opening the Bible again and discovering for the first time that some of my feelings of inadequacy were alleviated by short verses and passages. Soon after, I began keeping a journal of verses that struck me and wrote my own reflections on them. It was a difficult period in my life. The confusion overwhelmed me. But I still had no idea where it was coming from. I was desperate to take control of my life and my mind again.

It was in one of those nights that I was led to this prayer. I opened the Bible and there it was in front of me. When I read it, I felt a twitch in my heart. I knew it was meant for me. I read it over and over again until I memorized every single word by heart. It goes like this:

"My Father, if it is possible,
may this cup be taken from me.
Yet not as I will,
but as YOU will."
Matthew 26:39, NIV

This was the prayer that Jesus recited in the Garden of Gethsemane (the Mount of Olives) on the night that he was betrayed. He was downcast and troubled and admitted to his disciples that: "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death."

He then went on to pray a second time:

"My Father, if it is not possible
for this cup to be taken away
UNLESS I drink it,
may Your will be done."

I wish I can enumerate to you all the miracles that this prayer has done for me. When James went missing, I suffered from severe post traumatic stress disorder (ptsd) but could not take any of my medicines (anti-depressants and sleeping pills) because I had to stay up and alert all the time. Every time those debilitating panic attacks, flashbacks and nightmares came, every time a "voice" popped up telling me to end it all-- I paused for a moment to say this prayer until I calmed down. When my Dad had a stroke and was given a slim chance to survive before Christmas in 2007, I held his hand and quietly repeated the same prayer out of desperation. My Dad survived and continues to be a source of strength and inspiration for me and my kids.

They say that nothing happens by accident. This prayer may have seemed so plain and simple when I first came across it. Never in my wildest dream did I imagine that it would someday save my life and my sanity (that's almost two decades later).

I kept this to myself for far too long. Not that this was a secret. But I really never felt the urge to share it with anyone else until I came across Angela of Here and Now~*~4Angel~*~. That's when I realized that there are more people out there who are in a darker place than I was before.

I am no hypocrite. I don't aspire to be a preacher or a church leader (I have great respect and admiration for these people who give so much of themselves to others). I must admit I still don't go to church as often as I should. Heck, I don't even remember when was the last time I went. I don't open the Bible everyday and I have not written on my journal for ages. But I know now that this prayer should not stay with me. This was meant to be shared. I guess my blog is no coincidence after all.

You don't have to be a Catholic, Protestant or Christian to say this prayer. You can change some words, if you must, to suit your own personal belief. But believe in its power to change your life. I am not saying that this is a cure-all or overnight remedy to your woes. It won't resurrect the dead or bring you the impossible. It did not bring back James to us. Neither did it change the circumstances of my life.

However, it DID give me calmness in the midst of chaos, clarity amidst great confusion, gratitude despite of emptiness, relief from a deep searing pain, a forgiving heart in the face of injustice.

This is a prayer for you-- for acceptance, for calmness, for healing, for peace within yourself. It is an armor against your greatest fears and sorrows. Remember, if it worked for Jesus then it must also work for all of us. Again, this is for ACCEPTANCE, HEALING and PEACE within you. Say it like a mantra. Say it over and over again. And mean it from the bottom of your heart. What have you got to lose anyway?


Blessings to all,

"HE IS GONE!!!"

A panic attack doesn’t choose a time or place. It just happens. For over a year, I went through that.

I would wake up in the middle of the night and realize “HE IS GONE!!!” Panic would grip me...And then it would paralyze me... 1 second or 5 minutes… It didn’t really matter at all. I simply stopped functioning. It felt like I also died.

But believe me, this wasn’t just a nocturnal occurrence. Imagine it gripping at your core during the day while you are pretending to function as normally as you could in front of everybody. You give them a blank stare and they wonder if you have lost your mind.

And I shouldn’t fail to mention the flashbacks… Oh my God, they surely stopped me in my tracks. Every day I relived the experience of losing him. One moment I was doing okay, the next I was on tears. It was so hard just to get through the day. I was desperate to have my life back the way it was before.

Oh yes, I’ve seen these manifestations in the past. These were from hapless rape victims who couldn’t begin to describe the nightmares and helplessness that followed their ordeal. Psychiatrists labeled them as post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) which I even used several times to prove my point in court. Some old stuff from the medical books which I could use as evidence, I should say.

But PTSD is all too real. I should have realized that sooner. Then I would have shown more compassion… perhaps more empathy towards these victims.

So if you have a friend who is going through a difficult period in his life right now, never underestimate the pain and anxieties he is experiencing. You don’t have to say a word. A touch of his hand or a hug could make a big difference. It did to me.