If God brought you to it,
He will get you through it.

11 November 2009

It's Not Your Fault...

Her letter read: "I'm sorry... I just can't take it anymore..."

And just like that, she took her life. Her pain may have ended. Her sleepless nights may have also ended. But then, her bereaved children's nightmare has just begun.

"Why?" Her children asked. For them, this was their mother-- a strong-willed woman who showed no trace of weakness at all in her entire life. A survivor. A real fighter. A winner. She was always in control... even of their lives. She had everything that money could buy. They all thought that she could handle everything. Now they are haunted by "why's" and have no way of knowing what went on in her mind.

Coping with death in the family is one of life's most challenging trials. But when a loved one commits suicide, the family does not only experience profound grief because of the sudden loss but the overwhelming feelings of incomprehension, blame and anger are added to their suffering.

It does not end there though. They then start to feel isolated and judged by their friends and colleagues. The stigma, whether imagined or not, may cause them to withdraw in order to protect themselves from intrusive and difficult questions as well as disparaging remarks.

Right now, I wish I have the right words to comfort my friend who lost her mother. I know that she has not told her son the truth about his grandmother's death. She wanted him to remember his grandmother as the exuberant, positive person that she was.

My friend, at this point in time, there is no right or wrong and there are no rules in dealing and coping with your grief. Let me assure you though that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Whatever drove your mother to commit suicide, you had nothing to do with it. I can feel your pain and confusion. I can feel your anger. You are entitled to feel that way. After all, this tragedy has thrown all your emotions into turmoil.

No, you couldn't have prevented it. A person who is determined to commit suicide is likely to accomplish it. Perhaps what is best now is to learn how to accept this. She is gone so she can't be helped anymore. But you... you have to get on with your life. For your family's sake. For your own sake.

When you are ready to talk about it, you know that I am here for you.mltan100.blogspot.com

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GAGAY November 11, 2009 at 7:53 PM  


GAGAY November 11, 2009 at 7:53 PM  

wohooooooo! first time lah chop here te bing!

GAGAY November 11, 2009 at 7:54 PM  

:( :(

GAGAY November 11, 2009 at 7:54 PM  

..so sad lah message to BIng.. :(:(

Bing November 11, 2009 at 8:09 PM  

hello GAGAY.. sorry i'm not a member of the first commenters club. sayang. pwede pa ba join? :)

KAT November 11, 2009 at 8:13 PM  

I hope your friend can get through this, and I hope that she reaches out to you for some comfort and guidance. You have the right attitude, and survivors should know that there is nothing they can do, and that it truly isn't their fault.

You are also right about the stigma attached to it, suicide is a big hidden word, and most people do judge the survivors, which is wrong.

Again, I hope she reaches out to you.... and can find strength in the friendship that you provide.

Take care,

Bing November 11, 2009 at 8:24 PM  

KAT she did reach out to me... not to talk about it but to request for the books (on grieving and coping with sudden loss) that i offered to her. it's a good start, right?

right now, i know it is useless to assure her that the pain will lessen in time. it is meaningless to her.

she needs to process her grief and go through each and every step of grieving. this is her journey and she will emerge a stronger and better person after this.

i am with her in this journey through prayers. and when she is ready to face the world again, i will be here for her.

God bless,


Sandee November 12, 2009 at 1:47 AM  

I agree, it's not her fault. Very well said Bing.

Have a terrific day. Big hug to you and your friend. :)

Anonymous November 12, 2009 at 5:26 AM  

Very well said my friend. I wish all the best to you friend. It is sad that when someone commits suicide the loved ones left behind feel they should have done this or should have done that...it's like it's all their fault, when truth comes down, it's NOT at all.

bingohouse.com November 13, 2009 at 11:23 PM  

Losing someone in a family is unbearable especially if it's suicide. For one, he/she chose not to live. The family being left are the ones who are more likely to suffer. Even if a suicidal person would feel being abandoned by his loved ones, ending life will should never be an option.

Bing November 14, 2009 at 3:41 PM  

SANDEE thanks for dropping by again... :)

Bing November 14, 2009 at 3:42 PM  

THOM you are right.it's nobody's fault at all. but why is it so hard to accept that?

Bing November 14, 2009 at 3:45 PM  

BINGOHOUSE committing suicide is NEVER the answer. it's not even an option. but then, people who commit suicide should not also be blamed. more often than not, they are no longer in their right frame of mind. it's really sad to see the family suffering from a loved one's wrong choice.

Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you decide to see beyond the imperfections.

"Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward to the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage and confidence." ~ Og Mandino

If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting, but I would have to decline, for life would no longer teach me anything.
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"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11-14
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