If God brought you to it,
He will get you through it.

15 August 2010

Heaven's Gate

the words stopped flowing
 tears flooded my face
i was speechless
my heart was heavy
pain tore it apart...

the dreaded news came
you passed away and joined our Creator
was it just a day after
i debated with myself
if i'd go see you on your deathbed...

i was crying as i rushed to see you
only to miss that turn when i was near
as cowardice gripped me
i told myself, "tomorrow"
for i needed to collect my thoughts...

but tomorrow proved too far
for someone who was in great pain
you didn't even live to see the next sunlight
that broke through
your window pane that morning...

when i finally found the courage to see you
you were in a deep solemn slumber
wiping away all traces of pain
that devoured your body and spirit
looking beautiful as ever...

hard as it is to say goodbye
we know it is only for now
and take comfort in knowing
that you are at heaven's gate
waving at us with a big smile...

 © Bing (PinkLady) 2010

I wrote about my friend Mayen a few months ago- Sunshine In Her Ravaged Soul. She succumbed to cancer of the colon at 5:50 o'clock in the morning on August 10, 2010. She was 44.

Her death was a big blow not only to me but to everyone whose lives and hearts she had touched. I must admit that this sent me into hibernation and made me reassess my own mortality. There might even be no tomorrow to speak of...            

May the road rise up to meet you, 
may the wind be ever at your back.  
May the sun shine warm upon your face 
and the rain fall softly on your fields.  
And until we meet again, 
may God hold you in the hollow of his hand.  
~Irish Blessing~
July 16, 1966-August 10, 2010

Rest in peace, my friend...

The Perfect Poet Award For Week 25

 A big thanks to Jingle (and all the poets who believed in me) for the Perfect Poet Award for Week 25. For her enlightening and inspiring wisdom on "letting go," I am voting for Amanda for the Perfect Poet Award for Week 26.

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SuziCate August 15, 2010 at 9:25 PM  

What a lovely bittersweet poem. Never easy to lose someone you love. My best friend also died of cancer at age 34. It has gotten easier as there are good memories, but there are still times I wish I could pick up the phone just to hear her voice.

Jingle August 15, 2010 at 9:45 PM  

I feel so sad that she is gone,
she looks so very lovely...

thanks for everything,
I will place your pink in.

Anonymous August 16, 2010 at 5:43 AM  

May Marie rest in peace always. I send aloha and sunshine to you and her family. Strong memories always.

I believe that you and I both know there will always be tomorrows. It's the todays that test our mind, body and souls.

Heartspell August 16, 2010 at 10:17 AM  

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend...she was so beautiful and young. We never know when our time will come, I just try to be ready everyday. This was such a beautiful tribute to her... I am sure she is smiling at you in spirit... Heartspell

Bing (PinkLady) August 16, 2010 at 11:06 AM  

suzicate, we were all saddened by her passing. but then, death is one of the things that we all have to learn to cope with. life goes on for those left behind... thanks for nice comment.

Bing (PinkLady) August 16, 2010 at 11:06 AM  

jingle, my friend was truly beautiful inside and out. thanks.

Bing (PinkLady) August 16, 2010 at 11:08 AM  

thom, thanks for the sunshine. you're right, it's today that we have to contend with.

today is the only time we've got and we have to focus on that if we don't want to miss or lose the moment. thank you, friend.

Bing (PinkLady) August 16, 2010 at 11:42 AM  

heartspell,when death comes to people close to you, acceptance is really hard. i got a text message saying she was dying at the hospital and i had to debate with myself whether i wanted to see her in that state or not. in the end, i did not get the chance to say goodbye properly. it was comforting though to see her peacefully resting inside that casket and to see no trace of her pain.

like you, i also try to be ready everyday. we will never know...

thanks for the nice comment.

Anonymous August 16, 2010 at 2:46 PM  

Anytime my dear sweet one. You know it's funny, well not funny but coincidental that you had this post. I had a post similar on Sunday. Karma you think?

Jenn @ Youknow...that Blog? August 16, 2010 at 9:49 PM  

*hugs* to you in this tough time, Bing. So sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. She was far too young to leave this world! She was obviously well-loved, and you can take comfort in the fact that you were there for her and she knew how you felt about her.

Leo August 16, 2010 at 10:34 PM  

this was straight from the heart Bing, for I could see it there in your words.. it is a tough time when one loses someone very close.. your words are truly a tribute to her..

Bing (PinkLady) August 16, 2010 at 10:50 PM  

thom i read your sunday post and i was speechless at first. i truly understand now why and how you could relate to all my posts here. kindred spirits, aren't we?

Bing (PinkLady) August 16, 2010 at 10:53 PM  

jenn, i wish i can say i was there for her but i must admit i wasn't such a good friend. we had our moments together months before she died but i got caught up in my job and didn't go back to see her. that's why it hurts. yes, so many of us love mayen. she left behind a pretty princess whom we all believe will grow up as bright and beautiful as her mom. God bless her family! thanks for the kind words.

Bing (PinkLady) August 16, 2010 at 10:55 PM  

leo, it's really hard to see a friend go especially when you know you won't see her bright smile ever again. we used to bump into each other in all those 80's retro parties. when i'll go to one now, i won't see her dancing to the beat again. thanks for stopping by. :)

Anonymous August 17, 2010 at 2:15 AM  

Your comments on my Dear Joey post were the absolute best. Talk about bringing tears to eyes :) But they are happy ones for the mere fact that even though it is through a blog you are an important part of my life. It's like we have met personally and that is one of the beauties of blogging. It was a very touching comment and I really appreciated it. You will never know how much.

You know what is funny is this is the only blog, usually, that I even remotely bring out the emotional side of me. Where I talk how I feel about life, love, friendship and all in general. But you inspire that and I'm grateful that you do.

We rock on daily and keep the smiles to our faces, the love deep in our hearts and the friendships in our souls always my friend. It is how and who we are and having no regrets for a damn thing make us even better. Have a wonderful week ahead :)

Anonymous August 17, 2010 at 10:07 AM  

a lovely bittersweet poem:)this is a beautiful tribute to ur friend...take care of urself...:)

Slickolas August 17, 2010 at 11:19 AM  

This was really touching. Great job.

Bing (PinkLady) August 17, 2010 at 7:01 PM  

thom, you have no idea how much your friendship means to me. you have been very supportive of my blog and, believe it or not, your kind and gentle prodding kept me going here during those times when i just wanted to give up blogging. when i needed to laugh or smile, i would go to your blog and always always always get more than what i expected. the way you appreciated my type/kind of music, i felt that we were really kindred spirits.

after reading your dear joey post, it all became clear to me. yes, you brought tears to my eyes but they were out of happiness. you made me so proud to be your friend.

wow, 20 long years! i have been through only 5 years and it seems like eternity already. i am really proud of you, thom! one day, you should tell me how you survived and coped in those 20 years.

thom, again, thank you for the friendship. {{{hugsss}}}

Bing (PinkLady) August 17, 2010 at 7:02 PM  

hoiden, thanks for appreciating my post. :)

Bing (PinkLady) August 17, 2010 at 7:03 PM  

slickolas, i'm glad you like it. thanks for stopping by.

Anonymous August 18, 2010 at 3:40 AM  

Your friendship means the same to me my friend. And I'm truly glad you didn't give up blogging and give up just on yourself.

How did I do it you ask? In the beginning I don't remember actually. It was all so raw, real, hurtful. But something inside me one day just said you know you have a life. Are you going to squander it away or enjoy what time you have left. i decided the later. Yes my family and friends were a big part of moving on but me, myself and I had to make the decision to either dwell in sorrow or live in life. Well you can see what I chose. And as I said, it doesn't mean i ever forget Joey EVER!!! But I have to live. I have to breath. I have to smile. I have to laugh. I have to have sorrow. I have to have it all. And the only way to do it is to believe in myself and when I do, and I've said this before here, everyone around me benefits. And when they benefit so do I. It's a simple process if you think about it but one that can get lost and sometimes gone forever if you don't just do it!!!

Yes I had another relationship, very short term, since Joey passed and I just couldn't do it. Now I'm older, Hopefully a little wiser and I think back and think you know I should have gone for the gusto again. But i didn't. The kids were my life. My family was my life. My friends were my life. I don't regret that at all believe me. But now I think I could have shared this with someone as special as Joey. I don't know if I would have had the deep connection but I will never know. It might happen still to this day. If it does great. If it doesn't. So be it. All I'm saying here is don't let that kind of love of someone EVER hold you from finding that love again. It's your life. Live it!!!

Bing (PinkLady) August 18, 2010 at 1:12 PM  

thom, just like you i woke up one day realizing that i had to shape up and move on, that there was more in life to live for. i may have lost one heart but 3 other hearts loved me (and continue to love me) unconditionally. yes, it was all about re-claiming one's life.

after 5 years, "i miss him" still hits me but it's no longer painful. there were too many happy memories to make me smile whenever i do some reminiscin'. just like you, i also wish he could see the kids. i'm sure he would have been so proud of them. i have been blessed with a wonderful family and special friends who stood by me and held me through those times when my own resolve to live weakened.

there's nothing to regret, thom. what we went through made us better and stronger persons. the painful journey is all worth it. on my part, i wouldn't have seen and appreciated SUNSHINE if i did not experience total darkness. now that the sun is brightly shining in my life again, every single day is made more meaningful and beautiful.

believe me, it was one long, winding, bumpy road before i got here...

thom, thank you for sharing. you really are marvelous!!!

much ♥♥♥ for you, dear friend!

Anonymous August 19, 2010 at 12:33 AM  

Back at you my friend.....big time :) xoxoxo

JamieDedes August 25, 2010 at 9:46 PM  

What a lovely homage. I am sorry for your loss...

Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you decide to see beyond the imperfections.

"Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward to the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage and confidence." ~ Og Mandino

If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting, but I would have to decline, for life would no longer teach me anything.
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"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11-14
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