If God brought you to it,
He will get you through it.

08 February 2009

Am I Being Selfish?


They call it "hazards of the trade." I guess with the kind of work that I do, there is no way I can please everyone. I have to take sides. I have to protect one and risk infuriating the other. I'm the type who goes for a win-win arrangement. Unfortunately, when greed enters the picture, that's when trouble sets in.

First time something like this happened, my Dad uncovered the death threat and James never left my side after learning about it. I went on to win that case.

About five or six weeks ago, I got a similar threat on my phone. It did not really sink in right away. "You dare to scare me??? That is so funny because nobody and nothing can ever scare me now!" I just laughed it off.

Then one day... Wham! I was taking pleasure from watching my kids' big smiles on their faces when, suddenly, I realized I am all that they have now.

One good friend, who dared to call me selfish after I ignored the threat, is right. I am being selfish. I live only for today. I am fatalistic. I no longer worry about tomorrow. What is the use of planning when nothing seems to happen according to my plans anyway.

But my kids' future depends on me. They have no choice-- I am all they have. I have no right to take unnecessary risks. I owe it to my kids to see them through until they can get on their feet and stand on their own. I am not in any way going to disappoint them. After all, there is a good reason why I am left to raise them on my own. They mean the world to me. I am not going to allow anyone to hurt them again.

Such is life. Nobody said it would be easy.


Blessings to all,



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31 POINTS OF VIEW:

SUSAN SONNEN February 8, 2009 at 1:58 PM  

We are both mama bears. Mess with our kids and we'll get out our claws!

Mariuca February 8, 2009 at 4:19 PM  

Hi sweetie, lovely post from you. Sometimes all we wanna do is just follow our heart yes? It's okay to be a little selfish, you will work things through in the end. Hugs! :)

Angelika February 8, 2009 at 9:38 PM  

I've nominated you for a blog award. Stop by my blog and check it out! :-)

bingkee February 9, 2009 at 8:41 AM  

All I can say that always remember you have the Lord our God with you all the time. "The Lord is my light and my salvation. I will fear no one."
Lovely post as always.

KAT February 9, 2009 at 10:16 AM  

I don't think you are being selfish, I think that you thought you were being practical....then the light came on....

You have more to live for and look out for than just yourself, so you need to take extra caution for them. You, I'm not so worried about....you are a tough cookie now....

But you realize that they need you, and your toughness and pride sometimes have to take a back seat while you look out for them.

You and the children will be fine, and don't worry....you ARE NOT selfish...!!!

Take care,
Kat

PinkLady February 9, 2009 at 6:11 PM  

Yes Susan, nobody should dare mess with our kids. Never underestimate the power of a mama bear.

Mariuca, everything always works out for the best. I have a special mission in life and that is to guide my kids as they each choose which path to follow. I will be their light. I won' allow anyone to deprive my kids of that.

Much Love to both of you!

PinkLady February 9, 2009 at 6:12 PM  

Angelika, it is so nice to hear from you again. Thank you so much for the award. Believe me, it's great honor to receive one from you... and you gave me 3!!! I feel great.

Again, thank you so much!

PinkLady February 9, 2009 at 6:16 PM  

Bingkee, the Lord never left my side. He saved me from danger when He stopped me from going out with James that night that he and his friends disappeared. I have no doubt whatsoever now that He will protect me from anything and anyone. He still has a special mission for me and I don't intend to disappoint Him. I have all the reasons now to look forward to each new day.

Blessings!

PinkLady February 9, 2009 at 6:24 PM  

Hi Kat, thank you for the encouragement. I must admit that sometimes I do get to live my life recklessly/ carelessly. Maybe that's because of the new-found strength and courage which I am enjoying to the max right now.

Everyday, I discover something new about life and myself. I am amazed at the beauty of life and how our kids give new meaning to our lives.

I should use this new-found strength for the benefit of my children and not for anyone else. I live for them now.

You have no idea at all how much your friendship means to me.

Blessings to you!

Pushhyarag February 10, 2009 at 2:25 AM  

You're quite right you've got to be pragmatic. Two things you included in this post: about win-win arrangement and not worrying about planning too much-to me sound thoughts from deep introspection. I like them. Its good to turn triggers to win-win situations to breed harmony.

Take care.

khaye February 10, 2009 at 11:58 AM  

You are not at all selfish... selfless in fact. Hey, you've been offering yourself to your kids! That's tough yet lovely! Kudos to mothers like you. :)

I have left something special for you over my blog.

PinkLady February 10, 2009 at 11:36 PM  

PUSHHYARAG, thank you for the kind words. I am so flattered. Yes, I got to this age knowing already what matters most in life. When I was younger, I used to waste so much time and energy worrying about the future. Because of that, I missed a lot of golden opportunities to bond with my kids. I'm glad that it was not too late yet when realization hit me.

Blessings to you!

PinkLady February 10, 2009 at 11:42 PM  

Khaye, you are so sweet. I saw the award and I am so honored to receive it from you. I'm glad that you are enjoying both of my blogs. The other one shows my goofy side. This other side of Bing needs some outlet too.

I hope you don't mind if I am going to take my time to choose the people I want to share it with. I don't take these awards lightly (they mean a lot to me) and you are right about so many bloggers who deserve them. I want to give them to the best among the best (as far as I am concerned).

Again, thank you so much!!!

Blessings to you!

ROSILIE February 11, 2009 at 6:24 AM  

nice post! live is indeed not easy but it is all worth it with friends and loved ones!

Ray Gratzner February 11, 2009 at 6:50 AM  

Dear pinklady, no one has the right to threaten other people. I hope this ugly person will fall over his own negative feeling.
Be strong and keep your head up...
Happy Blogging

PinkLady February 11, 2009 at 1:35 PM  

Hi Rosilie, thank you for he encouraging words.

PinkLady February 11, 2009 at 1:43 PM  

Ray, it is really sad how some people try to manipulate others by bullying them into submission. Unfortunately for them, I cannot be bullied by anyone. I stand firmly by my principles. After all, dogs who bark don't really bite. I'm still being extra careful though for my kids' sake.

suedonim16 February 11, 2009 at 3:17 PM  

Ms. Bing dear, I admire that you stand fearless despite the threats but please take extra care of yourself for your children's sake. Believe me, losing another parent is one of greatest fears of a child who already lost his father/mother.

Godbless!

PinkLady February 11, 2009 at 4:24 PM  

Sue, I am so glad to hear from you again! You are right, losing me is my kids' greatest fear now. I am quite aware of that and I do assure them all the time that everything's going to be okay for all of us and that there is no reason to be afraid.

Thank you for dropping by again and I hope to read a new post from you soon. I miss reading all the nice stuff you write about. Please keep on blogging.

May God bless us all!

KAT February 12, 2009 at 1:47 AM  

Bing....

I had to come right over here and THANK YOU!! You saved the Angels Weekly Magazine!!

I thought about what you said, and went back and fixed it, and now it looks all lovely again!!!

I answered you on my blog, on here, and am sending you an email to cover all the bases!!!

Thank you so VERY MUCH~!!!

Take care,
Kat

PinkLady February 12, 2009 at 10:49 AM  

You're welcome, Kat. I'm so glad to hear that I was able to help you. Yes, the magazine looks so lovely again! Kudos to your hard work!!!

Now you can get that much needed rest. Sleep well, dear.

Blessings,

Bing (",)

KAT February 12, 2009 at 8:43 PM  

Thank you...I slept like a log...I really needed it, I guess!!

Hey, I gave you another award over at my blog!!! Because you deserve it!!

Take care!

PinkLady February 12, 2009 at 10:39 PM  

Kat, thank you so much not only for the award but also for helping me see what has long been waiting to be "discovered.". I am forever grateful to you for what you have done for me and my kids. Tonight, it was Jaz who got the smudge. It made us all smile. Nope, it's no longer confined to mornings.

I am sooooooooooooooooo happy! :)

Angel February 12, 2009 at 11:51 PM  

I don't think that you are selfish at all! You did what you thought was right at the time.

I think that you are wonderful! You have helped me more than you will ever know. I thank you so much for all of the kind and compassionate comments on my blog. They mean so very much to me.

Sending much love and hugs<3

PinkLady February 13, 2009 at 12:35 AM  

Angel, there was a time when I wanted it all to end. I went through every emotion that you are trying to hurdle right now. That is why I can feel your pain. I can also feel all you fears. But I found the tools to survive. So I shared them with you. I am a survivor of pain. I hope to see you outside of that dark tunnel soon. The light is just few steps away. Hold my hand and I'll show you the way.

Much Love!

Shinade February 14, 2009 at 5:32 AM  

Oh my I see some familiar faces here. I am going to have to mark you as a favorite.

It is very difficult to walk the line between being a mother and also having a career. Especially if one's job is dangerous.

I think stated it correctly when you said a light came on.

I believe when all of us have those moments of realization that they come from God.

Maybe this time the threat might be something you should take seriously.

I can tell by reading the comments and your responses that you are a wonderful person and mother.

I am sure that things will go well go good for both you and your children.

For surely God is watching over you. Your warmth from His grace simply radiates in your writing!

PinkLady February 14, 2009 at 1:34 PM  

Shinade, your kind words warmed my heart. Indeed it is so hard to maintain a home and a career at the same time. But it is clear to me now that I am a mother to my kids first and foremost.

There will always be danger, Shinade. With the work that I do, there will always be people who wish that my kind never existed at all.

I find comfort in the fact that the Lord has covered my back and protected me so many times already. And I got to this point knowing what my life's purpose is. I am sure HE won't allow me not to finish what HE has appointed me to do.

Thank you for dropping by. I really appreciate it.

God bless!

Mariuca February 15, 2009 at 12:25 AM  

"Stars are like friends; there's always some around, you just need to find your favourite one."

Happy Valentine’s Day from Wishing on a Falling Star

Gina Alfani March 2, 2009 at 6:55 AM  

You are not being selfish! We only have the moment we are in and not promised tomorrow.

Hugs to you . . . Gina

PinkLady April 6, 2009 at 8:32 PM  

MARZIE, i am so blessed to have friends like you here. thank you.

PinkLady April 6, 2009 at 8:35 PM  

GINA, thank you for your kind words. i am grateful everyday for the beauty that i see around me- life is so wonderful!

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Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you decide to see beyond the imperfections.


"Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward to the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage and confidence." ~ Og Mandino


If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting, but I would have to decline, for life would no longer teach me anything.
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"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11-14
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