The Blame Game

The first day James went missing, I tried to put up a brave face and spent the entire day (and night) going to places that he normally went to. It helped that I was in the company of friends who were as frantic as I was- the wife of one of the three missing men and a good friend of our husbands. We went around the city having no idea at all where to start looking. We even went to hospitals and funeral parlors.

By midday, we finally found the car that the three used the night prior. It was parked outside a popular KTV bar in the city. But there was no trace of the three missing men. It provided some sort of relief for us... at least we knew where to begin our own investigation.

We were at the KTV bar again as soon as it opened that evening. There must have been 10 of us there, all wanting to find bits and pieces of information that we could get from the waiters and the guest relations officers (GRO's). But everyone was unanimous in saying that they have not seen any of the three men recently.

A dead end. The first of many.

As we got busy with the search, some people also got busy putting the blame on someone... on anybody, in fact. Perhaps that made it easier for them to accept what was happening.

Too many questions that had to be answered while I was drowning in my sorrow. Too many accusations that were uncalled for. "Why didn't you stop him from leaving that evening?" I wish I could... I wish I did... "Why did you allow him to continue his friendship with a man suspected of having a shady background?" I wish you heard all the conversations James and I had over this. "Why couldn't you stop your husband from going out with his friends? Why couldn't you control him?" Like James didn't have his own mind at 39!

And so on and so forth... One even had the temerity to blame James on my face. Some people could really be so inconsiderate and insensitive.

If I had all the answers, would it bring him back? I guess not.

When things like this happen, why is it necessary to put the blame on someone? Why are so many people quick to judge, criticize and blame the wife... as if she wanted this to happen. They tend to forget that this woman is now forced to pick up the pieces of her life destroyed by circumstances over which she had no control of. The way she grieves her loss as well as the way she raises her children are put under close scrutiny.

But then, she too has to move on and it's nobody's business how she chooses to reclaim her life.

At times like this, when you have nothing good to say, then you'd better NOT say anything at all.