An Altar for James

A good friend of mine once suggested that I build a memorial for James. I built an altar in my home instead. You see, this is what’s sad about losing a loved one without a trace. Where do you go when you miss him and feel like spending some time with him? Where do you offer your flowers and your prayers?

James’ mother died two and a half years after we lost him. She just gave up on life. I realize now that a wife’s grief is nothing compared to a mother’s sorrow. Yes, I lost a husband but she lost a son and I should have been more sympathetic.

Her wake lasted for two weeks. The longest wake I’ve ever been to. The family simply didn’t want to let go of another member- the matriarch, the symbol of our strength. But then, as each day passed, letting go and acceptance became easier. And it finally dawned on me… that’s what my kids and I were deprived of when we lost James.

It took me exactly 2 years and 3 months to finally move on. I had to by force of circumstances. Our savings were dwindling fast. My 3 kids were starting to show erratic behavior. I had to act fast and prove to them that they didn’t lose their mom as well.

Now, I am glad that we have this altar to go to whenever we miss him. I once read in a book that the pealing sound of a bell is music to the ears of angels. So I placed an antique brass bell beside the candle, the flowers and, of course, our beloved James’ photo.

He doesn’t seem so far away anymore.