A good friend of mine once suggested that I build a memorial for James. I built an altar in my home instead. You see, this is what’s sad about losing a loved one without a trace. Where do you go when you miss him and feel like spending some time with him? Where do you offer your flowers and your prayers?
James’ mother died two and a half years after we lost him. She just gave up on life. I realize now that a wife’s grief is nothing compared to a mother’s sorrow. Yes, I lost a husband but she lost a son and I should have been more sympathetic.
Her wake lasted for two weeks. The longest wake I’ve ever been to. The family simply didn’t want to let go of another member- the matriarch, the symbol of our strength. But then, as each day passed, letting go and acceptance became easier. And it finally dawned on me… that’s what my kids and I were deprived of when we lost James.
It took me exactly 2 years and 3 months to finally move on. I had to by force of circumstances. Our savings were dwindling fast. My 3 kids were starting to show erratic behavior. I had to act fast and prove to them that they didn’t lose their mom as well.
Now, I am glad that we have this altar to go to whenever we miss him. I once read in a book that the pealing sound of a bell is music to the ears of angels. So I placed an antique brass bell beside the candle, the flowers and, of course, our beloved James’ photo.
He doesn’t seem so far away anymore.
James’ mother died two and a half years after we lost him. She just gave up on life. I realize now that a wife’s grief is nothing compared to a mother’s sorrow. Yes, I lost a husband but she lost a son and I should have been more sympathetic.
Her wake lasted for two weeks. The longest wake I’ve ever been to. The family simply didn’t want to let go of another member- the matriarch, the symbol of our strength. But then, as each day passed, letting go and acceptance became easier. And it finally dawned on me… that’s what my kids and I were deprived of when we lost James.
It took me exactly 2 years and 3 months to finally move on. I had to by force of circumstances. Our savings were dwindling fast. My 3 kids were starting to show erratic behavior. I had to act fast and prove to them that they didn’t lose their mom as well.
Now, I am glad that we have this altar to go to whenever we miss him. I once read in a book that the pealing sound of a bell is music to the ears of angels. So I placed an antique brass bell beside the candle, the flowers and, of course, our beloved James’ photo.
He doesn’t seem so far away anymore.
From one of my HS batchmates:
ReplyDeleteOn Wed, Oct 15, 2008 at 10:00 PM, Grace Doguiles (gracitie@yahoo.com) wrote:
Hi vilo, i was so moved by your sister's experience, i do hop she's okey now
and so with the kids, please convey to her, that we shall be including her
and the kids in our prayers.
God bless!
gracia
Hello Bing,
ReplyDeleteI feel so much of what goes on inside of you. We each have our tragedies and losses and the degree of our grief varies as our response and reaction. In 1973, we lost our Dad and eldest brother to bad people - we call them- as no one can tell us what happened as they went on their usual business in Kiamba...this year in January, we lost our sister Daisy to cancer....we knew death was forthcoming, we had the chance to be with her, to share her pains and sufferings, yet when she left, we were all still so taken aback. You are not alone Bing, many of us feel left behind, but I guess only God can truly feel our void.
SIncerely,
Tita Edzz