Discourse with God

I was angry. I wanted to inflict the same pain I was feeling to the people I heard were responsible for all of this. True, it was hearsay... but then, I was desperate for the truth... any truth!

I went home with hatred in my heart that afternoon.

How dare they do this to us! Who did they think they were to decide who lives and who doesn't?!? How dare they play god!

Those were my exact words to God. I was inconsolable. I was throwing all the "WHY's" at Him. Why me? Why James? Why us?

And then He answered...

"Truth is nowhere to be found,
and whoever shuns evil becomes a prey.

The Lord looked and was displeased
that there was no justice.
He saw that there was no one,
He was appalled that there was no one to
intervene;
so His own arm worked salvation for Him,
and His own righteousness sustained Him.

He put on righteousness as His breastplate,
and the helmet of salvation on His head;
He put on the garments of VENGEANCE
and wrapped Himself in zeal as in a cloak.

According to what they have done,
So will He repay
Wrath to his enemies
And retribution to His foes;
He will repay the islands their due."
[Isaiah 59:15-18, NIV]

I felt so ashamed of myself. There I was thinking that God wasn't listening at all. But He had the answers all along. And He made me a promise just when I needed one. That's when my journey to forgiveness began...

After all, vengeance is not mine to give.