Remembering James… 9 Years Later...

JAMES LAO YAP (JIMMY)

September 11, 1965 - January 25, 2005

I can’t believe how fast time flies. Today, we commemorate the 9th year of our loss. It all seems like yesterday- the panic, the frantic search, the grief, the anger and bitterness, the confusion, that excruciating inner pain… They are still clear in my mind. 

9 years ago, our world was covered in darkness. A dark nebula hovered above us- day by day, week by week, month by month that turned into years. 

But we (my kids and I) refused to live in murky existence. One day at a time, we took baby steps towards finding the Light again. We resolved that our own lives were not going to end miserably. We decided that having each other was more than enough blessing to keep us going. And so, our journey towards the path of gratitude began…

Yes, it’s true. Happiness is a choice. For us, it was a decision we had to make each day of our existence until such time that it became a habit. The last 9 years have opened our eyes even to the smallest manna from heaven. In everything, we learned to give thanks. Because now we know, everything that happens- whether good or bad- HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

December 2013

Back in 2007

A pocketful of sunshine and 

An Attempt at Googlism and Poetry

Of living and loving... is so clear

You are bound to get hurt at some point

But it is all part of life’s amazing journey.

Of living and loving… 

Is more important than reaching 

Some perfect state of bliss.

Of living and loving… 

Is really all about listening to your intuition and

Surrendering to the moment.

Of living and loving is beyond me...

It is not to carry a hidden attitude of spiritual superiority

But of spreading universal healing for broken souls.

Of living and loving… 

Is the crux of this unlikely saga of resilience

 Far more different than you once expected or experienced.

Here’s my attempt to write poetry again. It’s been awhile since I have created one and a little help from Googlism didn’t hurt at all. Thanks to Samuel Peralta of dVerse for inviting us to contribute our own list poem based on Googlism.

A pocketful of sunshine and 

Of Loss and Regrets… and Getting Through...

“I do not know anymore…” 

This was not a line from Janet Napoles during the Senate Hearing for PDAF Scam but from a colleague/very close friend of mine who is grieving the sudden and unexpected loss of his wife. 42 years of marriage and suddenly he is alone. 

“I should have been kinder…” 

“I should have treated her better…” 

But then, looking back now I cannot imagine what “kinder” and “better” could he have done considering that he was such a kind, devoted, loving companion to his then-frail wife.

Of course, I know where he’s coming from. There will always be regrets. There will always be words that were left unsaid and intentions that were left undone. We can never have enough time to show enough love. 

How do you make the most of your time with your loved ones? How do you make each moment count? I wish I have the answers for him. But after 9 years of coping with my own loss, the same “regrets” still haunt me… 

“I should have…” 

“I could have…”

“Why didn’t I…???"

As I have painfully learned in my own journey, one never gets over grief. You just learn to get through it…

A pocketful of sunshine and 

Image credit: www.memorialize.com